Patterns
Patterns was a recurring segment on Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Editions Febuary 28, 1997 *Brett Favre, Troy Aikman, Drew Bledsoe, Oksana Baiul. **These people are more and more likely to get blitzed. *Pamela Lee, Tori Spelling, Demi Moore, Ted Kennedy. **These people are less and less satisfied with their breast implants. *A bad habit, a can, a football, Hanes underwear. **These things are increasingly likely to be kicked by Dennis Rodman. *The runway at Jakarta International Airport, a busy intersection in Sumatra, a winding mountain road in Borneo, the Lincoln bedroom. **These are increasingly likely places for a rich Indonesian to crash. *A tropical drink, a microphone, a spatula, a Squeegee. **These are things which are more and more likely to be found in the hand of MC Hammer. *A leaky faucet, a cup of coffee, a car alarm, the thought of a zombie George Burns returning from the dead to strangle you. **These are increasingly likely to keep Abe Vigoda awake at night. *Nostalgia, admiration, exhilaration, sexual arousal. **These are feelings a nerd is more and more likely to experience when R2D2 is on screen. *Bell bottoms, migraine headaches, a razor-tipped boomerang, the Blues Brothers. **These are more and more painful when they come back. *A hot tub, a bottle of wine, soothing music, a beaker. **These were more and more likely to be used in the conception of Michael Jackson Jr. January 29, 1998 *Excessive barking, drooling on the carpet, growling, humping a stranger's leg. **These are increasingly likely to be bad habits that Buddy, the White House's dog, picks up from his master. *The beheading of Sir Thomas Moore, decline as a naval power, the loss of the American colonies, mad cow disease. **These are things that England is increasingly more proud of than the Spice Girls. *Seeing Niagara Falls, strolling through Paris, kissing in a Venetian gondola, visiting Santa Claus. **These are more and more likely ways Woody Allen and Sun Yi spent their honeymoon. *"Twenty seconds to lift-off", "oxygen levels are good", "I can see the Great Wall", "I need changing". **These things are increasingly likely to be said in space by John Glenn. *A Supreme Court justice, a Georgetown cheerleader, a young congressional aid, a Dutch elm. **These are more and more likely to be involved in an Al Gore sex scandal. *No freedom of speech, persecution of religious leaders, lack of democracy, can't get free drinks at blackjack tables no matter how much dough you drop. **These are increasingly likely to be the Pope's main complaint about Cuba. *A footstool, a drink coaster, a television remote, an airline barf bag. **These are things you're more and more likely to use during the Kathy Lee Gifford Christmas special. *Monty Python, Spiderman, baseball statistics, Star Trek. **There is no pattern, we just wanted to see if we could make all the nerds in the worlds salivate at the same time. *A chariot, a warship, a huge wooden horse, Bill Clinton. **These are more and more likely to carry Trojans. June 30, 2000 *A carbonator, a fan belt, an Eskimo, John Rocker. **These are more and more likely to be found under a hood. *Having an affair with Donald Trump, blowing up a shopping mall, shooting at the president, running on the field naked during the Super Bowl. **These are more and more likely things Darva Conger will do next to preserve her privacy. *A squirrel, a handyman, a poorly guarded insane asylum, Tom Green. **These are more and more likely to be missing a nut. *Hope, Faith, Charity, Doug. **These are more and more likely to be the name of Ricky Martin's next lover. *Living in isolation, having to build makeshift huts, fighting off rats, being forced to eat bugs. **These are more and more likely to be the fate of the NBC executives who brought you Daddio. *Making the NBA All-Star team, being the NBA MVP, being the MVP of the playoffs, winning the NBA championship. **These are more and more desperate measures by Shaq to make people forget the movie Kazaam. *"The River Wild", "Earthquake", "Volcano", "The Perfect Storm". **These are more and more likely to be the new slogan to Taco Bell. *Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise, Elton John, Conan O'Brien. **These people are more and more likely to have their application for scout master rejected. January 22, 2003 *Yemen, North Korea, Iraq, Diana Ross. **These are more and more likely to be bombed. *Frodo, Gollum, Saeron, Jennifer Lopez. **These people have a harder and harder time hanging on to a ring. *A nickel, a quarter, a dollar, Max Weinberg. **These are more and more likely to buy you a cup of coffee after you've handled them. *The cauldron of doom, the hammer of lightning, the scepter of Argon, the breasts of Hermione. **These are more are more likely to be what Harry Potter is searching for in the next book. *Hypocrisy, arrogance, greed, the movie Kangaroo Jack. **These are more and more likely to be why foreigners hate America. *Tajikistan, Sri Lanka, Azerbaijan, Eritrea. **These are more and more likely to be included by President Bush in his "axis of unpronounceable". *A tattoo, a freckle, hair, a Chippendales dancer. **These are things Liza Minelli is more and more likely to remove from her husband's back. May 7, 2003 *A hockey game, badminton, an empty gumball machine, France. **These are more and more likely not to have any balls. *Wolverine, Storm, Mystique, President Bush. **These people are more and more likely to have gotten their powers thanks to genetics. *The Hall of Presidents, the master's tournament, a Star Trek convention, an N*Sync orgy. **These are less and less likely to include a woman. *A 7/11, a supermarket, Anna Nicole Smith, William Bennett. **These things are more and more likely to run out of chips. *Afghanistan, Iraq, Camp Pendleton, Christina Aguilera. **These are more and more likely to be occupied by US Marines. *Joe Lieberman, Dick Gephart, Howard Dean, John Kerry. **These men are more and more likely to be the Democratic Party's choice to blow the 2004 presidential campaign. *Soy paste, Buddhism, SARS, Joel Goddard's legs. **These are more and more likely to be spread by Asian men. *Cher's ass, Pam Anderson's ass, Demi Moore's ass, Geraldo. **These are more and more likely to be a real ass. July 11, 2003 *An exotic dancer, summer ale, a sign of the zodiac, a place where you rent Spanish books. **These are more and more likely to be what President Bush thinks Liberia is. *Supermarket samples, refills of coffee, lunch, Martha Stewart. **These are less and less likely to be free. *A public execution, a car accident, a murder, a Mets game. **These things have fewer and fewer witnesses. *A government bond, a savings account, a checking account, Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry. **These are less and less likely to generate interest. *Arnold Schwarzenegger, Keanu Reeves, Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini together, Dory from Finding Nemo. **These are less and less disastrous choices for governor of California. *January wind, a toddler, a puppy, the movie Gigli **These are more and more likely to bite. March 1, 2005 *A necklace, a baby, a bra, Laura Bush. **These are more and more likely to be found near a boob. *A 1989 Geo Metro, a wristwatch your aunt gave you, Dick Cheney's heart, Kevin Federline. **These are more and more likely to never work. *Crocuses, robins, Martha Stewart, Clay Aiken. **These are more and more likely to come out this Spring. *Lady Liberty, Vampirella, Omarossa II, Ballchomps **These are more and more likely to be Hillary Clinton's secret service codename. *A leather worker, an up and coming boxer, a paperboy, Melissa Rivers. **These are more and more likely to work with a worn out, old bag. *Elephants, acrobats, clowns, Lindsey Lohan's stomach. **These are more and more likely to be found under the big top. *Barry Bonds, Mark McGuire, Jose Canseco, Michael Jackson. **These people are less and less likely to get to third base legitimately. *A television camera, champagne, roses, Camilla Parker Bowles. **These are more and more likely to be at the finish line of the Kentucky Derby. *Brian Dennehy, the cast of Wicked, the cast of The Producers, Paris Hilton. **These are more and more likely to bring home several Tonys. April 13, 2006 *A loofah, a woman's contraceptive, Kevin Federline. **These are more and more likely to be called a sponge. *Martha Stewart, a Pueblo Indian woman with arthritis, the New York Knicks. **These are less and less likely to make a basket. *Oatmeal, creamed corn, Tom Delay. **These are more and more likely to be spooned in prison. *A state college, an online university, Luciano Pavarotti. **These are more and more likely to have 150 courses. *''Mike Mulligan And His Steam Shovel'' page 31, Mike Mulligan And His Steam Shovel page 17, Mike Mulligan And His Steam Shovel page 4. **These are more and more likely to be the page where George W. Bush falls asleep tonight. *Steven Todd Doherty, Samuel Timothy Dawson, Paris Hilton. **These people are more and more likely to have STD on their towels. *A car tire, a hurricane, a Ben Affleck movie. **These are more and more likely to cause human misery by blowing. *A bungee jumper, a rock climber, a naked Larry King. **These are more and more likely to repel. *Chicken, French toast, Naomi Campbell's assistant. **These are more and more likely to be battered. *Hairspray, tanning oil, Clay Aiken. **These are more and more likely to be found on a male model. Category:Late Night Sketches